Friday, November 7, 2008

Mind and Soul Ran Over By a Truck

I don't really have anything specific to say.

So many things are on my mind these days. Something stupid and trivial like, what am I gonna eat for lunch today?

Or where are our family going for holiday this time? Why are the guards in my college so spiteful? And why does my problems seem to multiply by 10 when I'm stressed?

I'll be going for internship in December. I don't think I'll miss college. Yea sure, I'll miss my friends, but we can meet up anytime. How exactly am I supposed to feel about this. I think I know what I wanna do in life. And it isn't engineering. Too clumsy for engineering.

Why don't I like engineering/petronas/utp?

I'll be hard-pressed to answer this whenever someone asks. Sometimes, I just shrugged. And then, people will say, I'm ungrateful. Because many others can only dream of having my place, with rm500 scholarship per month, fees fully paid. They don't know the consequences of accepting this scholarship.

We're bounded by a contract, people. It's like marrying a rich, balding old guy just for his money. And I don't even love the balding old guy.

We're pushed to excel, score highest gpa, cgpa; or the scholarship will be taken away. And we have a 10-year working period with Petronas. If we breach the contract to join, say, Shell, we'll have to repay the funding that Petronas gave us during our studies.

And guys, Petronas doesn't pay as much as Shell or Exxon Mobile. That's the truth.

Mr Thorpe said, "You gotta understand, Petronas is a government company. It serves the government, the country. For the benefit of the country, if it means that you get less pay, so be it."

My dad is in Petronas. He travels so much that I hardly see him. Our holidays are always carefully planned, only to be canceled at the last minute. There's a problem with the drilling, it seems. Emergency meeting, fly back to Pakistan.

In September, his office was blown off by a nearby bomb.

He enjoys his work, but in my opinion, he should be paid more. I mean, compared to the pay you get for the same work in Shell etc.

That's part of why I don't wanna be in Petronas. That's the emotional part of it.

There's always a strong underlying reason why I don't want engineering as my profession. Why I don't wanna work with Petronas. Why I don't like UTP. It's much more than a childish whim.

I just wish people won't give me funny looks when I tell them that I don't wanna be here.
I don't hate UTP because it's hard. It's hard because I don't like UTP in the first place.

As to why I'm still in UTP, that's a different story.

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Side note: Visit Kenny Sia whenever you're stressed and in need of a laugh. He's popular for a reason.

7 comments:

Bubbly Summer said...

i was from this one boarding school, and i never liked the school. hmmph. don't ask why. people would never understand.

but i will always cherish all the friends from the school..and all memories during two years studying there.. *smiles*

anyway, i also don't like people give me funny looks..so what i do is.. if i knew they're gonna give me "that" looks, then I'll try my best not to bring the topic up.

*smiles*

encikpundak said...

i think you should bersyukur a lil bit after what u hv get so far

eventho petronas paid less than any other o n g company, still i think ur life is better compared to other ppl.

u shud proud if ur father work with petronas rather than foreign company. after all he served for his own country. dont u love ur country?

maaf jika terdapat kesilapan tatabahasa

TPK said...

Oh girl, I understand that you don't like engineering, you don't like UTP and anything that you don't like...

as encikpundak said, be thankful with whatever you got.

if u said you don't like engineering/petronas/utp, you should refuse it at the first place. it already one or two years since u came in and now you regret the decision.

plus, with a lot of graduates are searching for jobs, it's better for u to not being choosy.

i'm sorry if i rant too long. but seriously, i hope that you can open up your thoughts.. =)

jnj guy said...

wow.. seems like someone's blog is getting popular.. gud 4 u :)

hmm.

im not gana say "owh u shud be more grateful" or "u shudve tot bout that b4 u came here, eh?".

i wish i cud say something to lift up ur spirits, or persuade u to start liking UTP at least to an acceptable level, but theres really nothing to say, is there?

if u like something, u like it. if u dont, u dont.

but cheer up mate, theres loads of stuff to be happy for in utp. uve got ur friends, if u went somewheres else u probably wont ever meet them. uve got ur hamsters. erm, uve got ur super-slow internet connection. where else can u get this type of connection other than utp? haha.

tk cr. ciao~

Adil said...

-if i knew they're gonna give me "that" looks, then I'll try my best not to bring the topic up. - Exactly what I usually do. Those who understands, understands. Those who dont, well.. dont.

-i think you should bersyukur a lil bit after what u hv get so far- I'm grateful. I just wrote about things I'm grateful for, in fact, going to utp is one of them but not for engineering reasons. and hah. I knew you were ganna say that.

-dont u love ur country?- It's the only country I've ever lived in. Don't insult me -_- I plan to help my country in other ways. Just because I don't mention how, doesn't mean I don't want to.

-if u said you don't like engineering/petronas/utp, you should refuse it at the first place. it already one or two years since u came in and now you regret the decision.- I was younger then. Followed whatever people tell me to do.

-wow.. seems like someone's blog is getting popular.. gud 4 u :)- People like controversies. known fact :)

-uve got ur friends, if u went somewheres else u probably wont ever meet them. uve got ur hamsters. erm, uve got ur super-slow internet connection.-it's true. But about the internet connection, I'm not sure.

iLLy Ramudzan said...

No, I will not say you should be grateful.. because I understand perfectly what you're saying. I'm in your shoes too.

holidays canceled at the last minute, hating engineering, not wanting to work for petronas... i feel that. but it's not that I hate petronas, sometimes they can try and give a lil bit more.

but look at it in a positive way, hey, 10 years contract? at least some part of our future is secured. and Petronas is evolving.[at least, let's pray hard pet's HR doesn't screw up again]

in december when you start you're internship... you'll bound to know why.

Adil said...

First of all, thx to those who understands because obviously, not everyone will agree wimme. N some will ask me to shut up and grow up. But ultimately, i can say that there's a place where a group of people will like, n will hate but we all have our reasons. Im just happy that i will be going for internship in 1.. 2.. Wks! So sayonara uni tersayang(im being sarcastic, take note) i wont be seeing you for long enough time!

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