Bun…In the Oven

Hubby practically ran out the door this morning and asked me to water the plants. Usually that’s his forte. He loves the gardening stuff. I just love the flowers that bloom mostly. But he was just late to work. Then Chanel came up to me, looking all cute and HUNGRY. So I fed her.

Then I did the laundry, had breakfast while planning my day. Mom told me that they might be going to Aussie in December. So bye-bye to me. If all things go according to plan, I WON’T be able to leave the house from October to December. Because there’s a bun in the oven, so to speak. I’m knocked up. Pregnant. Expecting.

Funny thing is, I think my cat is the first to know that something was up. She was extra affectionate, and I almost always found her laying at my feet one week before I found out.

Call it many things, it only means one thing. Unlike many other couples I know who get excited and over the moon happy, hubby and I react first and foremost with nervousness. Happy, but nervous. A baby is a huge responsibility that you’ll carry for the rest of your life.

Sometime last year, I sat with grandma.

“Opah, so when do you think you can feel less worried about your children? Like, is it once they get married?”

She paused a few seconds.

“I never get less worried. You worry all your life about your children. Even now.” Her youngest is 40.

As with every commitment, we’re very cautious. You probably wouldn’t think that we gave a seconds thought, but we actually gave it a year. Lol.

So when it’s finally happening, we’re quite unsure of how to act. Well, I’m still relatively active. I try swimming at least once every week. Or go for walks at FRIM. Or long walks at the mall. Counts right?

Hubby doesn’t know my limits so he just takes cues from me. Well, I don’t know my limits either. The other day we went cycling for 2 hours at FRIM. I went very slow, careful not to overexert or get overheated. Then we made the mistake of telling other people, who immediately jump to conclusion that I was being ‘selfish’ and was endangering the little bun.

Well for one, I’ve led a somewhat active life even before, so I thought it’s quite normal for me. It isn’t a new thing that I’m trying now. Plus I was being EXTRA careful.

Also, its funny how people started judging. Like, ‘you’re 3 months along? But you’re hardly showing!!! My friend already had a bulge this big when she was 3 months along… Your baby must be tiny!!!’ My baby ain’t tiny, he/her is the perfect size for his/her age!! That was the first rush of motherly instinct I’ve ever felt.

Also it’s weird when people start touching your stomach once they know. Especially when there’s nothing much to see or touch right now. Normally I would go, “ade lemak je sekarang…HA HA… HA.” ~_~ And actually see the hint of excitement disappear from their eyes.

Then I start questioning why am I tiny? Yeah and you wonder what ladies think about most of the time. I don’t usually give a hoot to things people say about me, but when it involves sensitive stuff, well.

Plus you’ve heard about pregnant ladies hormones. Oh my they’re REAL. So real. Like the invasion of the body snatchers. There’s an alien who actually loves eating chocolate, ice cream, and thank god, LOTS and lots of fruit that’s living in my body. And gags at the smell of food cooking, and body odor. And insists on taking naps in the afternoon. And suddenly hates pop music.

The joy, the joy. Anyways I’m still nervous. Very much nervous. Hubby sometimes is in denial. At one time he’ll be like, ‘are you sure you’re pregnant?’ And that kind of question isn’t something people ask once you’ve seen baby dancing on the ultrasound scan. Seriously hubs.

There’s still a long way to go, still many things to do and think about. Many plans that need to be carried out. And last but not least, many prayers and doas needed from you guys.

Thank you so much for reading through this monologue.

I’ll keep all of you in my prayers, insyaallah.